I love looking at it all through this lens- that our biology and the ways that we evolved to be our most healthy and challenged are at odds with our current environment/culture. I think that’s true on SO many levels, and it definitely means we gotta strategize if we want something different. I’m an optimist, crave growth, and desire engagement!

For me personally, I have come to a fairly norm-y nuclear family and romantic arrangement in part because we did an energetic cost analysis given the cultural circumstances. At this point I most identify as a relationship anarchist, and based on my particular wiring and needs and gifts, I choose to simplify that area of my life in favor of other work- namely my experiments with communal living, cooperative farming, radical acceptance of children, etc. That’s just talking human relationships. Anyway, I guess I bring that up because so often in talking about relationship anarchy or anything that challenges the patriarchal/consumerist relationship norms, I find it almost always seems to circle around romantic connections, which leaves me out somewhat! My sister is involved in a relationship anarchy group that I was interested in connecting with, but I’m nervous about it because she said I’d likely get pretty challenged about being monogamous and married. I get it on one hand, cuz like I’m leaving those institutions somewhat unchallenged politically, but on the other I see that kind of assessment of my relational life as being a sneaky reinforcement of the stuff we are resisting. It’s so complicated! I’m not too sad about it, given that I know my familial presentation puts me in a position of privilege, and I am glad folks are shaking things up and bringing ethical non-monogamy into view, but it still leaves me hungry for connection around what I think the true meat of the discussion could be, which is about creating multiple pathways out of oppression, about reclaiming our stories around how connected we can be to the world around us. It’s entirely directional.

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