I love looking at it all through this lens- that our biology and the ways that we evolved to be our most healthy and challenged are at odds with our current environment/culture. I think that’s true on SO many levels, and it definitely means we gotta strategize if we want something different. I’m an optimist, crave growth, and desire engagement!
For me personally, I have come to a fairly norm-y nuclear family and romantic arrangement in part because we did an energetic cost analysis given the cultural circumstances. At this point I most identify as a relationship anarchist, and based on my particular wiring and needs and gifts, I choose to simplify that area of my life in favor of other work- namely my experiments with communal living, cooperative farming, radical acceptance of children, etc. That’s just talking human relationships. Anyway, I guess I bring that up because so often in talking about relationship anarchy or anything that challenges the patriarchal/consumerist relationship norms, I find it almost always seems to circle around romantic connections, which leaves me out somewhat! My sister is involved in a relationship anarchy group that I was interested in connecting with, but I’m nervous about it because she said I’d likely get pretty challenged about being monogamous and married. I get it on one hand, cuz like I’m leaving those institutions somewhat unchallenged politically, but on the other I see that kind of assessment of my relational life as being a sneaky reinforcement of the stuff we are resisting. It’s so complicated! I’m not too sad about it, given that I know my familial presentation puts me in a position of privilege, and I am glad folks are shaking things up and bringing ethical non-monogamy into view, but it still leaves me hungry for connection around what I think the true meat of the discussion could be, which is about creating multiple pathways out of oppression, about reclaiming our stories around how connected we can be to the world around us. It’s entirely directional.
Yes and thanks, Grace. "Multiple pathways out of oppression." Absolutely. It's hard to say how THIS relationship anarchy group would respond to your current situation but if they were truly anarchist, they'd let you be the you that works for you right now.
I currently have a full time job, a side hustle, and two relationships and a handful of close friends and it's a LOT! Can't imagine kids or even the various things that go into a house/life. I'm blissfully an apartment dweller because it frees my mind from so many things.
As a side note, this is far from RA, but I found and now own a 1974 book called "The Open Marriage" in which the authors quite rightfully argue that in a secure partnership, one should feel free to have close friendships of the opposite gender, to spend time with friends without one's spouse, and even to engage in flirting because it makes you feel alive. As long as the marriage is built on trust, communication, and kindness, all of these things make for a fuller life. Kind of "out there" stuff for your normal marrieds in 1974 so I appreciate its existence.
I love looking at it all through this lens- that our biology and the ways that we evolved to be our most healthy and challenged are at odds with our current environment/culture. I think that’s true on SO many levels, and it definitely means we gotta strategize if we want something different. I’m an optimist, crave growth, and desire engagement!
For me personally, I have come to a fairly norm-y nuclear family and romantic arrangement in part because we did an energetic cost analysis given the cultural circumstances. At this point I most identify as a relationship anarchist, and based on my particular wiring and needs and gifts, I choose to simplify that area of my life in favor of other work- namely my experiments with communal living, cooperative farming, radical acceptance of children, etc. That’s just talking human relationships. Anyway, I guess I bring that up because so often in talking about relationship anarchy or anything that challenges the patriarchal/consumerist relationship norms, I find it almost always seems to circle around romantic connections, which leaves me out somewhat! My sister is involved in a relationship anarchy group that I was interested in connecting with, but I’m nervous about it because she said I’d likely get pretty challenged about being monogamous and married. I get it on one hand, cuz like I’m leaving those institutions somewhat unchallenged politically, but on the other I see that kind of assessment of my relational life as being a sneaky reinforcement of the stuff we are resisting. It’s so complicated! I’m not too sad about it, given that I know my familial presentation puts me in a position of privilege, and I am glad folks are shaking things up and bringing ethical non-monogamy into view, but it still leaves me hungry for connection around what I think the true meat of the discussion could be, which is about creating multiple pathways out of oppression, about reclaiming our stories around how connected we can be to the world around us. It’s entirely directional.
Yes and thanks, Grace. "Multiple pathways out of oppression." Absolutely. It's hard to say how THIS relationship anarchy group would respond to your current situation but if they were truly anarchist, they'd let you be the you that works for you right now.
I currently have a full time job, a side hustle, and two relationships and a handful of close friends and it's a LOT! Can't imagine kids or even the various things that go into a house/life. I'm blissfully an apartment dweller because it frees my mind from so many things.
As a side note, this is far from RA, but I found and now own a 1974 book called "The Open Marriage" in which the authors quite rightfully argue that in a secure partnership, one should feel free to have close friendships of the opposite gender, to spend time with friends without one's spouse, and even to engage in flirting because it makes you feel alive. As long as the marriage is built on trust, communication, and kindness, all of these things make for a fuller life. Kind of "out there" stuff for your normal marrieds in 1974 so I appreciate its existence.